无奈

下个礼拜开始可以算是期末考之前的复习周期了吧？有考试的，相信都开始在埋头苦读了，没有考试的，应该都在赶期末功课了吧？我呢？我在干什么？真的没有什么心情要做功课，脑袋是空空的，想的莫过于快点回家，我真得不想读了！

这些日子来脑袋里想的都是我适不适合读这一科的问题，总是在拿起笔的那一瞬间，脑袋是空的，什么也想不了！每每在想放弃的那一刻，心里就会不断挣扎，叫我不能放弃，毕竟已经读了那么多年，为什么不能坚持到底？只要告诉自己已经尽力了，我想应该不会有人怪我了吧？

在国外一个人生活真得不好过，朋友明显少很多，知心的更没有几个，甚至一个都没有！学校里，每个人都很像在战场一样，竞争得你死我活，我讨厌这样的生活，所以我选择做好自己的本分，就足够。牵强微笑过着每一天，其实只是想让自己好过些，也让身边的人好过些，已经很久，没有过真正开怀大笑的感觉了。

人家说，有了爱的滋润，就是最好的心灵解药。这是当然的，爱带给每一个人的快乐都不同，可是，爱情里总少不了争吵，而那些压力往往比其它的压力都来得还要重，心还会痛上个几倍。那时候，所有的压力就会弄得我无法呼吸，在透不过气的时候，我的枕头就得受罪，湿了个一大半，除了心里舒服了些，其实并没有解决什么！

脑袋里还是在想着我的功课，决定了明天再做！真的很烦，很烦！每天见到他的时间就是我最放松的时间了！

PS：谢谢有你的陪伴！真的！

WEEKENDS

Nothing much to do during last weekend. The most unforgettable part for sure was the sticker photo taking session. After having our brunch at home, we went to the city for a walk. He wanted to buy new shorts, tried for several of the pants and finally he decided to get the last one. Tried to distract myself a little bit from the shopping and concentrate on choosing suitable pants for him, I just don’t want to spend any of my expenses on shopping anymore, at least for this month. I really trying hard to control my expenses, yet I always have no idea on what I spend on, the money seems to be disappearing fast enough when I start to realize it. He seemed to be quite satisfied with his acquisition although it was considered quite expensive from my point of view.

Then, we went to Little Singapore for our late lunch. There was a part time job vacancy notice on the window outside of the shop. After memorizing the e-mail address for the job vacancy, we stepped in for our lunch. A little incident happened after the meal, he was almost fallen down the time we were going to leave the shop. He got really embarrassing and started to blame on my insensibility for leaving him behind without realizing the incident. Okay well, and I guessed the thought of having photo sticker with him is vanished. He decided to leave the city and went to Sunnybank for a haircut. I waited him for the haircut about one and a half hour. Then he drove us to the sticker photo shop to get our very first sticker photo. I was so overjoyed that time. He is so cute in those photos (Thanks for being so loving, my dear).

Went for a movie (Saw VI) after the photo taking, I didn’t really watch much during the movie because it was just too disgusting. The movie from my point of view is just about self-mutilation for the will of survive. What is so nice about self-mutilation? Getting parts of body chopped off or mutilated for survival? I really can’t understand.

时光

最近在Facebook上无意间发现了一个小学同学上传的照片，顿时勾起了很多小时候的回忆！感觉真的很像最近才发生的事情，事实上却已经过了十年多了，时间过得真够快的！那张小学照片被上传不久，就已经有很多的旧同学在相片栏里留意见谈天说笑了，真的很谢谢某人把那么珍贵的照片再次放出来，把我们这些失去联系的旧同学们可以再次网路重逢！我真得觉得Facebook是一个很好的网页，总可以在上面遇到一些也许这辈子都很难再见的人！想了想，真的很想回到那无忧无虑的童年，做些笨笨的事，天真的没有烦恼，那该有多好？时光能倒流吗？

想太多

今天早上起来，头重重的，有点烫，看来又是生病了，很快的拿起手机发了通短讯告诉朋友我不去上课，吃了颗药，又继续睡觉！起来的时候已经是中午了，吃了点面包，喝了昨晚煮的人参茶，感觉好多了！几天下来都很累，总是不太精神的样子，看来应该是上个礼拜赶功课没有什么睡到的关系吧？还好明天没有课，可以在家里好好休息下！

一个人的时候，总会想很多，想到了我和他的点点滴滴。我们很少吵架，因为我不是很爱吵架的人。我总是觉得沟通会比较重要，吵架往往都不会解决问题！吵得最厉害的那一次，也是因为我无心的一句话，他闷了很久，忍不住气冲冲的到我房间来对我大声说话，把我给吓坏了！他很激动地责问我，我尽量控制自己的情绪，用很温和的语气和他说，他却越说越激动！当下的我真的吓傻了，忍了很久的泪水，终于不受控制的掉了下来，开始哭泣，没有办法再继续说些什么。他好像突然被电到那样，清醒了，不再用很重的语气和我说话，反而慢慢的移到我的身边抱着我，叫我不要哭！我推开他，我哭不是因为想要他的安慰，而是被他的举动给吓坏了。明明对我来说一点都没有意思的开玩笑，在他听起来却可以变得如此严重，我真得不明白，我们两个人的幽默定律可以差距那么大！那一次，我们都沉默了，沉默的互望了很久很久，自己不懂该和他说些什么，他很想和我说些什么，却往往话到嘴边又吞回去了，最后他抱着我说对不起，而我也向他道歉！

过后的日子，我们都没有什么吵架，他很迁就我，我也尽量包容他！他总是会想太多，觉得自己不够好，总是问我为什么会和他在一起，问一堆有的没的，我的答案永远只有一个，“爱一个人是不需要那么多的理由”，因为我自己也不知道为什么会和他在一起，明知道我和他的想法真的很不一样，却还是要在一起！而我却总是觉得自己做得不够多，很努力的在付出更多，希望他能够知道，我对他是真心的！

DREAMWORLD

Went to DreamWorld last Saturday with him, it was a wonderful day. We reached there around 12pm after our brunch. It was a sunny & windy day. The ticket for whole day pass in DreamWorld (dry park) is $69, excluding WhiteWater (water park). I was so excited because that was the first time I went to DreamWorld. All the machineries are well decorated especially for the children’s part with cartoon ornaments all around the area.

I really enjoyed the colourful design of the place, everything looked attracting to me. We started our walk with something more static, not much action and peaceful, that’s the wildlife experience. Walked around and looked around all the wildlife, what attracted me the most is the Bilby. It is an endangered small tiny creature looked like rabbit/rat with a long tail. It was really cute. Another creature which really drew my attention was the Wombat. It is a pig-look animal and extremely cute too. After the wildlife walk, we went for something dynamic.

Went for rides on most of the machineries and I yelled hysterically. Got a little bit dizzy after the second ride and I guessed it was time for me to rest. Rushed to the wildlife area for the wildlife presentation show at 2.30pm, the show was about information of the wildlife of Australia. They presented the snake, owl and Bilby. After that, we had a chance for a closer look at Bilby. It is awesomely cute. We headed back to the Tower of Terror, a high-speed machinery, with just 30 seconds course of event. Before that, we passed by the tiger presentation show and stopped by for awhile to look at the tiger performance.

He kept persuading me for the ride of the roller coaster, but I really didn’t want to have a try on that because of some bad past experience and I am trying hard to put the past behind. He looked very disappointed on that, yet I really felt sorry to him. We left DreamWorld around 4 something, he suggested for a drive to Gold Coast. However, we didn’t stay long in Gold Coast because he felt very tired. Rushing home and he fell asleep in no time. Had our late dinner at around 11.30pm, I was exhausted and had a heavy sleep right after the dinner.

PS: Want to thank my dear for the DreamWorld trip, I was really enjoying it and hope to have another trip with him real soon. Thanks, my dear!!!

FINAL CRIT

Woke up around 9.30 this morning, after bath, I sat back in front of my laptop to plot out all the drawings I needed to be printed for my final critique later. Did a final observation on my structural model and another 3D model, I found out that part of my structural building was missing. OMG! I was almost flipped out that time because this model took me about one whole day to construct. Immediately I took out all the left over materials and having another half an hour to construct the missing part. After that, I had a simple breakfast with just cereal and milk. It was almost 12pm; I took a bus to school with well protection on my models, really not hoping to get any damage on the models which took me 3 days to finish.

Had the final critique session started around 2pm for the Design 4, it was really letting out a sigh of relief after I finished my presentation. The feedback was mostly about the lacking in sustainable elements on my design. The critics were concentrating more on the environmental friendly design and I really don’t put much attention on the sustainable elements on my design. The major issues about my design were – lack of sustainable elements & an unremarkable poor entrance. So I guessed I have to rethink more about the sustainable part for my design and a better welcoming entrance for the final submission portfolio.

Gastric! I got gastralgia the time I was presenting, around 4.30pm. That little bowl of cereal with milk can’t really prop me up for hours. Quickly right after my presentation, I unpinned all my drawings from the board, rushed myself to the bus stop for a bus home. Decided to reheat my leftover meal last night with microwave to resolve my growling stomach, I can’t live without microwave, how useful can it be!!! Waiting for him to come home, as a companion for him, we went out for dinner as I was still full. Actually was planning to have dessert after the meal, but I was just too tired in time, my eyes can hardly open.

We planned to have a trip tomorrow to Dream World. He decided to wake up at 8.30am, and I’m the one responsible as his alarm clock tomorrow so that we can head to Dream World earlier to enjoy our one-day trip. And I guess I really have to sleep now, or else I won’t be mettlesome enough for the trip!!! WooHoo~! Dream World, here I come~!

BRIDGE WALK

Went for a walk at Kurilpa Bridge with him after dinner last night. It is a newly constructed pedestrian bridge on Brisbane River based on the principle of tensegrity. I was busy taking pictures all along the bridge and he seemed to be a bit bored. Not much pedestrians were using the bridge last night. There were only few couples enjoying their night at rest points provided along the bridge. The bridge was actually enhanced by using lighting effects. The colours of the light were changing every few seconds, but I can’t really tell the difference of the colours, everything was just blue to me.

After the walk, he was to sleep by that time. So we went back home directly without going anywhere else. I fell asleep quite fast last night. However, my mind still continued thinking about the design assignments.

I had nightmares all night long, about bugs, about assignments & about lecturers. I can’t really sleep well. Was awaken almost every hour by the nightmares I had, I’m so tired now. Going to concentrate on my model making again later, really hope that I can finish as fast as possible with a satisfying outcome. Sigh~! I’m really tired of all these. Hope to relax at least my mind for just a little while.

CONFUSION

I don’t really used to update my blog everyday, but I unusually started updating my blog quite often after my birthday one week ago. Maybe I was too touched by the birthday surprise he planned; I was really quite shocked about what he did. He doesn’t seem to be a romantic one, yet he really trying hard to be one, and be a better one just to make me happy. Undeniable, I’m really happy to be with him. When the days are getting longer, the feeling in me towards him is getting stronger. I want to note down everything happened between us, memorizing our dribs and drabs of being together.

I’m fear. Fear of losing him. Sometimes we argue, but most of the time I don’t even understand what were we arguing for. I am taking very serious in this relationship, feeling really different in him. It’s hard to describe, but I’m clear that I love him deeply. That day, he said something that was really heartrending. Maybe it’s my problem for being hot and cold sometimes. I can hardly understand my own either, sometimes being over reacting, emotional & sensitive toward things, I just can’t emotionally control myself. I just don’t know why!

SO ACCURATE

I received this mail from one of my friends just now and I found it quite accurate on me. So i decided to repost the whole thing on my blog to share with everyone. Hope you enjoy it~!

Try to check your CHARACTER through your birthday~!!!

December 23rd ~ January 1st = Red

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January 2nd ~ January 11th = Orange

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January 12th ~ January 24th = Yellow

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January 25th ~ February 3rd = Pink

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February 4th ~ February 8th = Blue

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February 9th ~ February 18th = Green

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February 19th ~ February 28th = Brown

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March 1st ~ March 10th = Aqua

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March 11th ~ March 20th = Lime

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March 21st = Black

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March 22nd ~ March 31st = Purple

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April 1st ~ April 10th = Navy

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April 11th ~ April 20th = Silver

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April 21st ~ April 30th = White

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May 1st ~ May 14th = Blue

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May 15th ~ May 24th = Gold

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May 25th ~ June 3rd= Cream

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June 4th ~ June 13th = Grey

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June 14th ~ June 23rd = Maroon

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June 24th = Grey

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June 25th ~ July 4th = Red

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July 5th ~ July 14th = Orange

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July 15th ~ July 25th = Yellow

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July 26th ~ August 4th = Pink

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August 5th ~ August 13th = Blue

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August 14th ~ August 23rd = Green

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August 24th ~ September 2nd = Brown

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September 3rd ~ September 12th = Yellow

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September 13th ~ September 22nd = Lime

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September 23rd = Olive

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September 24th ~October 3rd = Purple

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October 4th ~ October 13th = Navy

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October 14th ~ October 23rd = Silver

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October 24th ~November 11th = White

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November 12th ~ November 21st = Gold

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November 22nd ~ December 1st = Cream

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December 2nd ~ December 11th = Grey

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December 12th~ December 21st = Maroon

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December 22nd = Teal

And your result is :

Red - Cute and lovable type, You are picky but always in love... and liked to be loved. Fresh and cheerful, but can be "moody" at times. Capable with people nice, soft, and that can love you for the way you are. Likes people that are easy to talk to, and can make you feel comfortable.

Orange - You know how to treat people.You always have goals to reach and you really work hard to get there, you are competitive. Your friends are really important to you and you appreciate what you have, you sometimes over react that's because you are sensitive.

Yellow - Your feelings change suddenly and easily. You are sweet and innocent. Trusted by many people, and have a strong leadership towards relationships. You never hide your feelings, and express every thing. You make good decision and make the right choice at the right time. And always dreaming of Romantic Relationship.

Blue - You may have low self-esteem, and can be very picky. You are artistic and like to fall in love, but you let your love pass by, by loving with your mind, not your heart.

Pink - You are always trying your best in everything, and like to help and care for other people. But you are not easily satisfied. You have negative thoughts, and you look for romantic love like in a fairytale. relationship.

Green - You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words... You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.

Brown - You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well.

Aqua - You are always lonely, and like traveling. You are truthful, but listen and believe other people too easily.You are responsible for your own actions.You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. It's hard to find love for you, but once you find the right lover, you trust them forever.

Lime - You are calm, but easily stressed out. You get jealous easily, and complain over little things. You can't get stuck into one thing, but you have a capable personality for everyone to trust you and like you.

Black - You are challenging, and have the "guts". But you don't like changes in your life. And once you make a decision, you keep it that way for a long time. Your love life is also challenging, and different.

Purple - You are Mysterious, never selfish and get interested in things easily. Your day can be Sad or Happy depending on your mood. You are popular between friends but you can act stupid at times, and forget things easily. You go for a person that's trustworthy.

Navy - You are attractive, and love your life. You have a strong feeling towards everything. And very easily distracted. Once you get angry at someone, its hard for you to forgive them.

Olive - You are warm and light hearted. You seem to flow well with friends and family. You don't like Violence and know what's right.You are Kind and cheerful but don't evny other people.

Silver - You are imaginative and fun, You love trying new things. You like to challenge yourself and you learn things easily, you're easy to talk to and give good advice. When comes to friendship, you find it hard to trust someone.

Gold - You know what's right and what's wrong. You are cheerful and out going. It's hard for you to find the one you want.

Cream - Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out going. But once you find the right one, you don't let go or a long time.

Grey - You are attractive, and active. You want to be noticed, and don't like to be treated unequally. You can brighten up peoples day. You know what to say at the right time, and you have a good sense of humor.

Maroon - You are intelligent, and know what's right. You like to make things go your way, which can sometimes cause trouble for not thinking about other people's feelings. But you be patient when it comes to love. Once you get a hold of the right person, it's hard for you to find a better love.

White - You are shiny person,cute and intelligent Person. You like to make friendship with your higher persons, which can sometimes cause trouble. Your Strength is Your Love towards friends.You always looks to love somebody and you be loved by somebody. Your Intelligency may lead to success in your life.

STRESS

Had some progression improvement for my design assignments, planned to finish up a 3D drawing so that I can get 4 elevations and 2 sections directly from the 3D drawing. However, I found it quite difficult to edit the contour and level for my 3D model as I’m not that proficient with the 3D function in AutoCAD. I tried my best to finish up the ground level so that the other levels will be much easier to continue with. Yet the finishing part for the windows and doors will be very troublesome. I really prayed that I can finish everything in time for the final crit next Thursday.

He messaged me this afternoon asking me whether to have a Gold Coast trip this weekend, but I don’t really think that I can make it since I got lot more assignment to do. Telling him that I’ll try my best to finish as much work as possible so that we can go for the trip, but deep inside I knew that it’s an impossible mission for me to fulfill. Working in front of the laptop screen for the whole afternoon, without leaving my room for a second, I was quite tired. My eyes were hurting badly. Tried to relax myself a bit, I decided to go to the city and come home with him together after his work off.

Got his replied message informing that he might be working late, I had already in the bus heading to city. Too late! I guessed I would just wander around the city and waited for him to finish his work. It was actually killing me with my high heels on, so I headed to Starbucks for a hot white chocolate mocha while waiting for him to finish his work. I enjoyed my drink until the shop was actually going to shut up. Left the shop and leaned against a column in front of the entrance of his office building, he told me he was finishing in another 10 minutes.

Took out my camera and started to play around with it, shooting the views around me, other than high-rise buildings, vehicles & pedestrians, there was not much to look at.

(views around his workplace)

Listening to the songs with my iPhone, he appeared beside me after 25 minutes. Was a bit angry with that, but I can’t really angry with him because he got no choice for his work load, and he was supposed to stay longer for his work if I hadn’t come to the city for him. This caused him to be forced waking up earlier tomorrow for his work again, feeling so sorry for that.

Tired, really tiring. Stress, really stressful. Why can’t I be a little bit harder?

(Pray for my assignments, pray for my models, pray for my final crit, pray for a smooth semester)